im not worthy…

meaningful

something i read from someone’s  blog and thought it’s meaningful of a read so here’s it is….so READ… =p

 

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

a day of nothingness

had no class today am entirely free and had nothing to do in hand. planned to go explore the pusanika but ended up in the room for the entire day…hahahaha…damn bored and lazy to get my arse out of the room..even my roommate is lazy today… lol

i’ve been sitting in front of the pc and sleeping for most of the day…lulz..how lifeless

yearning…

i miss you badly… T_T

(and i noe u do too)

i mean you and not the sashimi up there…you know who you are. and i want to eat sashimi… ><

a week

I shall show you guys how my room looks like in kolej (hostel that is)

that’s just part of my room la. dont mind the mess ya.

and can u imagine like it’s only the second day of the first week after orientation which i only start to really utilize the room and my table got so messed up..so many things. that is minus the laptop being there. well the laptop is not stationary being there i usually keep it when i dont use it to come online to waste time because i have yet to have any assignment..hehe..

oh and there is wifi here and also line internet. i didnt noe there is line here. i just saw that there was a port by the window and i cucuk the cable and tadaa~~ i can come online but hows the liability and security of it..i also dunno..but wifi abit slow at times la..this line is much stable tho.. hehee

anyways…that is all the update that i want to do..

and if you dont know already, i am not studying in law faculty of UKM, Bangi

xoxo

Dupz

orientation

Basically everyone that enters university will endure and go through a week or at least a few days of orientation. i just finished every part of the orientation including the ones conducted by the faculty. Orientation day was never a fun one, not entirely that is because its really tiring. we basically wake up at 5am and sleep roughly 2am everynite for a week starting sunday till saturday.

There were numerous amounts of ceramah and taklimat, one after another. most of it was held in DECTAR which is dewan censelor tun abdul razak. which we walk to everytime we have to go there. rather tiring la. above is the picture of part of the DECTAR. filled with first year students yearning to sleep half way through all the monotonous talks.

We had sports and big walk. walk the whole entire UKM campus. IT HUGE DEI!! it took like an hour to walk. and i got sunburn and some skin is peeling. that aint fun.. ><

you can see the amount of students… its very colourful. everyone is wearing their own hostel’s (or we call or hostel as kolej) shirt. this is during the big walk. i kinda gave up walking any faster when we had to climb the hills that was really steep. as long i finished it thn its fine… =D

tribute to all the abang-abang and akak-akak pc(pemudah cara) that helped us during our orientation week and joined together with us the new students of UKM to be sleep deprived. lolz

and for some of you. you might not have ever seen me with tudung. here is one. ><

Last but not least, we had our orientation at our faculty. first day that is on a monday we had bengkel with more talks and talks second day, we met with our mentor and had a feast with our mentor with the above fruits. hahaha…the wonders of fruits ><

that’s all bout orientation i guess. i’m still tired. this is called post-orientation trauma…lolz..where got such thing rit… =p

and i think i might need that garnier caffeine roll-on thingie…haha…

xoxo

Dupz

 

i was clearing my room….and i found that i have not throw away the blue cards…you guys still remember the blue cards? well blue cards was a card of our attendance record for our extra curriculum activities which our school are not using anymore that is if they have not change the management….

so yea, here are the pictures i got from the blue cards…recognize urself? fortunately i didn’t paste my picture on the card..hehe ^_^

addition

addition to my perfume collection…hehe finally got this perfume oil which i wanted quite some time..mum was so willing to pay for me…ngek ngek ngek… xP

i really like the smell of this fragrant…its juba. if u like fresh smell or the smell as though as u just had ur bath-freshness…this is a smell to get…well that’s my opinion…

possible?

can oneself be annoyed by oneself?

the end

my driving probation period has ended…oh yea!! finally the huge red ugly ‘P’ is not on my screen anymore… =D

[edit out my license pic (dun feel like putting it anymore)]

i just wan to say that my probation license has end..and i am finally a competent driver… lulz.. im competent OK! must trust my driving skills…dont underestimate me…hahahaha

extra storage

my previous long time ago punya post, i said tat i wanted to get xtra storage for my comp, well i ended up getting to lowyat plaza instead and got an ext hdd by Buffalo. it seems that it is better coz it is from Japan…i hope it is..

got it for RM250 or RM255 i cant remember la..but yea around tat price….i am satisfied with it though…so no complains… hehe =D

i’ve transferred all my files but its not even 100gb of space used yet…i guess 320gb is sufficient enough for the moment tat is…xP

affection…

it hurts every time that you have to leave……

xoxo

UBER BORED….

As u all may noe, i am awesomely am not a socialite nor do i like socializing alot. i rarely goes out…which same may say i am quite of a boring person and how do i live with it? well its not tat bad when u have 24/7 broadband available just for u to use at home and the whole world is urs…hahaha…i am tat boring aren’t i?

well wad can i do?

hehe i was surveying at lyn for a couple of hours today for an external hdd..

which i have YET to come to a conclusion....

wad i have found is

1. WD 2.5" 8mb cache, 5400rpm 320GB for RM 119

2. WD 25" 8mb cache, 5400rpm 500GB for RM 209

but the second one is w/o casing... so i dunno which is better...it was never easy for me to make a decision…so i have yet to buy any hdd…. >< lame rite…  -.-

nite nite…

its a nice song...have a listen to it...

love this…

Love story meets viva la vida

nice wei…if only i can play piano… –.-